No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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