She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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