**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
