Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
