So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
