For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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