I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
