and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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