Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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