put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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