i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
