my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
