He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I understand Curling. That high.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
