i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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