ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
