i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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