sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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