i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
