I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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