chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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