i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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