a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
