i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
