i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
