yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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