And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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