I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
