I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
