Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
