I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
