i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
