this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
