Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
