shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
