i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Houston, we have a squirter
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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