I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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