I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
