i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I AM VODKA MAN
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
