I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
