I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
