He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
