i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
