VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
