I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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