god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
