After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
