Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
