Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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