You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
