I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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