Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
