Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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