Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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